Therapy Thoughts - 17 October '23
Therapy Thoughts - 17 October '23
I'm back with some post-therapy thoughts!
Phew. It’s been a while since I went to therapy and even longer since I wrote about mental health (meaning my experience with therapy, etc - a forever disclaimer).
I’ll be honest and say I have no mental energy to give an update about where I am/how I am doing from where I left off.. honestly, I don’t remember where I left off at all. Here is a link to my WordPress blog. I have now shifted to Substack but you can read older posts there!
But for now, let’s let the past go and restart this journey!
A lot of social things happened in the last few months - 2 friends’ sibling’s marriages (#FriendsLikeFamily), my best friend herself got married (they make a cute couple but you will NEVER hear me say this to them) and lastly, I went on TWO vacations! Yes, TWO, even I can’t believe it. Around 50 of us (my dad’s in Rotary, iykyk) went to East Africa in September. Another group of 60 of us went to Rajasthan in October!
Both the trips were a lot of fun. I haven’t felt this type of joy and relaxation in quite a long time. We went to Uganda, Kenya and Tanzania (yes, we went to Maasai Mara and Serengeti and yes, they were amazing!). We went to Jodhpur, Khimsar, Ranakpur and Udaipur in Rajasthan. The hotel in Udaipur was so gorgeous; it was by the Fateh Sagar Lake and the view was simply beautiful. (side note: should I write about my vacations too? I’m enjoying this haha)
But of course, after this vacation high I had to come back to reality. At that point (present tense too), my reality was - a messy head so messy physical space. For someone who is meticulous about her storage spaces, I let my room, shelves, clothes cupboards.. everything become a total mess. Can’t see anything at all type of a mess. All you can see is a pile of assorted things that don’t belong there. In fact, my clothes cupboards are messy as of right now. I’ve only just realised.. perhaps this is because I am not doing well mentally…? They’re all connected and it made sense too. Luckily, I have now come to a place where I want to change it - myself, my thoughts and the physical space I inhabit.
And that is thanks, in part, to diving back into therapy, I feel. It’s a good way for me to be aware of the reality (of my thoughts) because acknowledging it is the first step to becoming better. And it makes it so much easier to course correct. After so many years of therapy, I am definitely better and faster at identifying my patterns. I am more aware of things that set me back and I am also more willing to challenge myself and move forward.
The thing about comfort zones and sitting in them is that.. well, is that they’re comfortable. It’s a familiar place. You’ve been there before, you know how it feels and it feels really really good. Why would you ever want to move out of it, right? That’s how I was for a while. It’s called stuckness and that’s the state I have been in. The worst part is though, I sit there begrudgingly. I am restless, I hate it here (despite the fact it gives me comfort) and yet it somehow feels wrong. And that queasy feeling is what makes me question myself - do I really enjoy being here? The answer is ALWAYS no. I don’t. And a little light bulb goes off, I realise I am reliving a pattern, and I change and push myself out and forward. And rinse and repeat. Fortunately, I am better every time it gets rinsed, and that makes me feel good. Because that’s progress!
So here I am, wanting to be better, do better and seek joy. Something that I did not think I could feel or something that I thought was an elusive feeling. My heart and mind are open to new experiences. It sounds cringe to me ngl (lol I hate the internet!!!) but it’s the truth. Giving myself permission to do and be. Cutting out thoughts of self-blame and replacing it with responsibility (this is what we covered in therapy and it’s like ting, ting, ting! having a bell go off and a bulb light up). For example, “Why did I do this, that’s so wrong, I suck!!” can also be “I have done something that is not right but that’s okay. I can also redo it the right way.” Amazing!
Here’s to being more accountable :)
Wow, it certainly feels nice to start writing again!
Drop a comment telling me what you think - are you stuck in life, somewhere? Have you been here before? - if yes, please give us stuck-ers some tips to move forward!
Dropping a link to my WordPress blog here and my mental health-related Instagram account here - thetherapyenthusiast (hmm, time to change up the name I think. Any suggestions?)
Thank you for reading! Hope you have a nice weekend :)
PS - Is anyone watching Leo?
Love this awareness and effort! Good job writing again as well!